Hot Beer Farts

So apparently it's up to me to rescue this fuckin blog. Ray's writing psycho-spiritual cyberbabble. All I've gotten out of Chris in the past few weeks are whiny work-related excuses and veiled promises of angry, hair-pulling sex-blogs soon to come. Where the fuck are they? Every time I chance a few minutes at work and pull up the site it's Bob's blog. Take nothing away from him, his squeal is necessary, but when I started this piece of shit I had another picture in mind. I want it to be the kinda shit that makes you stand up in the middle of your office, look at the other underpaid dregs around you in disgust, and proudly declare in your best Jesse "The Body" Ventura in Predator voice, "Buncha slack jawed faggots around here." You point to the screen and grab your woman. "This stuff'll make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus- just like me." Or at least think about doing it. That'd be pretty cool too.

So I thought of a new game while I was blowing my old lady. If you've got any skill whatsoever at giving oral pleasure, it might be kinda fun to make your partner laugh right in the middle of an orgasm. Of course making her laugh would probably completely ruin her orgasm and most likely cause pearl necklace priveleges to be revoked for at least a week, but I've never actually heard of anyone doing it and if a hot chick was talking about it at a party I'd listen. I was thinking about what you'd have to say to make someone laugh at a time like that. You've only got like a one or two line timetable at most to work with. And your one or two liner has to be something recognizable enough for them to pay attention to whatever you're saying instead of their own orgasm. For Kendra and I, it's "Hot Beer Fart".

I was going down on her a while ago. (Yes that's right ladies, I've gone down on my gf at LEAST two (2) times. I am Casanova.) She stopped me all of a sudden and turned her ass away from my face so she could fart. I thanked her for her courtesy and ducked back down between her legs. The fart was still there and it attacked me. Nostrils first. I shrieked like a schoolgirl and dove under the covers. "Damn baby," was all I could muster.
"Sorry honey," she said.
"That's pretty bad," I said. "Ripe." We'd finished a 40 before getting naked and had both drank many pints the night before.
"Especially because it was a HOT BEER FART," she said.
And that's exactly what it was. A hot beer fart. Blasted in my general direction. I'd been done. Kendra shoots. She scores.

So maybe that's what I'll say the next time she's about to bounce a chickload off my chin. Fuckin' hot beer farts. You like that honey? Huh? That the spot? Mmm... Hey baby? Guess what? HOT BEER FART.