Prayin for the Lord

The other day I woke up, ate a bagel, got in the shower, kissed my girlfriend (who I think of as my wife) goodbye, and went to work at my office job. Am I going to start coming after thirty thrusts pretty soon? Chronic bad breath? Balding? I've already begun ripping those wet, old man froggy farts. My cock leaks sometimes after I piss. Dammit.

If I have to be stuck in this con, no matter what form in which it manifests itself- chasing animals around all day so I can kill them and eat them, or working in a goddamn office building in downtown San Francisco (actually one of the softer gigs I've ever had), it's good to take advantage of the situation as much as possible. Better to encounter a busload of scared, middle class drones with a fresh high going and Eric Dolphy piped into my ears. Maybe if I could play flute, alto sax, and bass clarinet I'd avoid the rat race too… only to die alone in Germany, the cops thinking I'm a junky because of the needles I use to shoot insulin.

These two black kids are talking so loud I hear them over my headphones. No one else on the bus says anything. "You're so retarded," says one of them, "That all you say is 'Duh…' You know how retarded people say that all the time? People ask you what time it is and all you say is 'Duh…'" She pauses. "You get it?"

Everyone on the bus groans and looks away. The kids are in their own world and all the adults wish they could be too. "Wait a minute," I say, "If you have to explain it, it's probably not that funny." They both look at me, surprised. "Just say it, you know?"

They look at each other sort of wide-eyed. Then the one who wasn't talking says, "Mister, you crazy."

"Maybe," I say, laughing, "Maybe." They can tell my laugh isn't mean and they laugh too.

In all seriousness, I'm not too worried about being a total tool. I just joined a band call Lord Nasty and the Seekers of Perversion and the first practice went very well. The singer, Lord Nasty, has been in the hospital for the past two weeks with double pneumonia, but he just had his breathing tube removed and we've got gigs scheduled for next month. Who'd have thought I'd ever be prayin for the Lord and really meaning it?