I'm cynical to a fault ... and to such a fault that it prevents me from forging meaningful relationships with people who look like, act like, smell like, and are assholes. I'm really taken back by this ridiculous conception of love that people blasphemously profess ad nauseum. Love is just a euphemism for an unbridled fire in the loins, and love in practice is really just a complicated, booby-trapped means of having sex. At least that's the case for men... if you are a female with a boyfriend, he finds you sexually appealling and is willing to overlook your other obvious faults to violate you night after night. Every female thinks their man is the exception... so he's sensitive, sweet, thoughtful, devoted, blah blah blah ... These are all clever little guises that all men are aware of and use to their benefit, or at least to the benefit of their penises. Let's do a little translation.
"I love you, significant other" : "Let's fuck".
"You look great today, honey" : "Let's fuck".
"Happy Valentine's Day" : "Let's fuck".
"Let's never break up" : "Let's never stop fucking".
"Pass the salt, please?" : "Let's fuck".
This is all well and good in theory, since it revolves around guaranteed sex, but what many men don't know is that this is totally unnecessary. There are females that will submit to masculine pheremonal aggression without this pretentious "love" shit. There are as many females who are looking for pleasure and non-committal companionship as males, I believe, but men are so decieved and intimidated by women that they think they have to fall into a trap like a relationship to get the aforementioned sex. If you are a man dating a woman, chances are you first got to know this person because they were physically attracted to her, you found her personality bearable and not totally offensive, and you figured she could jerk your knob like a jackhammer. Let's not fool ourselves though... you know from day one whether or not you can see yourself with this person in any measure of time up to and including forever (marriage). Now women are starry-eyed and romantic to a fault, and will fall into and out of dead-end relationships repeatedly with nearly no recognition of the heinous dumping and heartbreaking they previously endured, so they will obviously submit themselves to this masochistic torture to no end. I would rush to say that this is the problem of women and women alone, not to disrupt men at all, but I've realized that if you make a commitment to a woman you are fully subsceptible the the irrational bullshit that is sure to come. My solution then is to eliminate the whole institution of dating, bf/gf, etc for horny, reckless young people everywhere. Let me take myself for an example: the last time I had a serious girlfriend was in high school. It was nothing but headgames, destroyed self-esteem, an inordinate amount of feminine clutter in my locker, and a stark lack of knob-slobbing. Despite this wretched cunt who really sapped the joy out of my last couple years of high school, I hadn't been totally opposed to the idea of having another girlfriend. Nonetheless I took some time off and avoided anything potentially leading to the word "relationship" like the plague. One innocent evening a really hot chick essentially raped me, much to my surprise. Prior to this there had been no talk of dating or "talking" or "seeing each other". I was very anxious about our next meeting and what I had literally and figuratively gotten myself into. I decided, the genius that I am, not to mention it at all. And I'll be damned, it worked like a charm. There we were in unholy consummation once again. Hallelujah! After a few months this arrangement had fizzled out but I had learned a very valuable lesson. Since then my "relationships" have been more or less like this one. Some who know me may cite my multiple-year long-distance European girlfriend, but rest assured, friends, that I was up to my usual tricks all the while, as was she. I'm not necessarily a sex-crazed hedonist, but I'm dead sure that I don't want to be married to anyone anytime soon, and my partners are generally in the same boat. Although my desire for companionship is dormant, my physical desires aren't. I'm never deceptive, however. I'm a likeable person and people enjoy talking to me (and I them), so I find myself in situations where the intellectual attraction becomes purely physical. When this turn of events occurs, I'm always sure to lay down my ground rules:
1. I'm not available for you.
2. This relationship is exactly what it is- no ambiguity, no hope for change, no exceptions.
3. I don't expect anything from you so don't expect anything from me.
4. I will see other people should the opportunity arise.
5. I will not accept fall-out, hyperemotional nonsense, guilt, or obligation.
6. If you decide this isn't the thing for you, you can get out, no strings attached. The same goes for me.
Despite the attempts of women to appeal to my emotional side, to discover whether I have a heart or not, if they are into me they will accept these terms. If they think I'm an asshole that's fine, because I feel being honest is the least I can do for someone else, and I wouldn't want to deceive anyone. I'm aware people have kindred desires. Unfortunately there has been so much proliferation of judgemental relationship propaganda that people are afraid to engage in non-committal coupling, for fear of being branded "ho's" and "players" and whatever fucking slack-jawed urban euphemism is used to describe a person of ill-repute. Why are people so afraid of these terms? Because building a reputation as a ho or player can be detrimental to getting laid, yet these terms are used by falsely-puritanical, frustrated asswipes who are who are just as horny as the next person and twice as angry because they aren't getting satisfaction. My friends might not condone my conduct in life, but they accept me for who I am and don't judge my practices, otherwise they wouldn't be my friends.
Let me disclaim that because I live by my rules of conduct doesn't mean I'm an oversexed, lecherous club rat. Nor do I find myself with constant and consistent companionship. The last several years of my life have been dedicated to me and me alone, as should the lives of all young people trying to figure out what they're going while they're waiting to die, and they've been the happiest times since I was a wee boy. I have little or no sympathy for people devastated by the end of a relationship, unless they came to that point by deception. You knew you weren't going to spend your life with that person, you know you wanted sex above everything (just admit it), and you knew it would end at some point. Big fucking surprise! Oh you poor baby, you have to endure pain that you totally set yourself up for and could have avoided. Balls to that crap. I don't doubt that I'll find myself in a relationship at some point, but my lifestyle has made me so acute to the things I like and don't like in people that if I do succumb it won't be just for sex. I want people to have fun ... I beg them to have fun. There's plenty of time to be a miserable curmudgeon... I understand that's pretty much life after 30.
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