For once, I agree with the Vatican

I wasn't even aware that the Catholic church was officially against capital punishment- haw haw! Go figure! Hoo-boy. Times sure have changed.

Anyhow, check this shit out:

"An execution is always tragic news, reason for sadness, even in the case of a person who is guilty of grave crimes," the Holy See's spokesman, Rev. Federico Lombardi, said in a statement released by the Vatican press office.

Earlier in the morning, Lombardi made similar comments on Vatican Radio.

"The position of the Catholic Church — against the death penalty — has been reiterated many times," the spokesman said in the statement, referring to the Vatican's overall opposition to capital punishment.

"Killing the guilty one is not the way to rebuild justice and reconcile society," the spokesman said. "On the contrary, there is the risk that the spirit of revenge is fueled and that the seeds of new violence are sown."

In other words, capital punishment is UN-PIG. I couldn't agree with you more, Reverend.

Duty calls

Satan: Tony.

Tony: Umm....yes?

Satan: It's Satan. You know tom, don't you?

Tony: Tom? Sure. Why?

Satan: Well, I was wondering if I could ask a favor of you. I need-

Tony: Well that's rude.

Satan: What?

Tony: You didn't even give me a chance to consider whether or not I should help you out, before you start blathering about what you need! I hate that!

Satan: So sue me. I'm Satan.

Tony: Fair enough. Continue.

Satan: It's just that lately, he keeps complaining about his life, hee-hawing about this or that. It's like he wants me to solve all his problems! I mean, on one hand, he's giving me the best press I've had in years, but then again, it's just not my gig! I don't help, I hinder!

Tony: So you're saying you don't want to help.

Satan: Not quite. I feel that I've helped too much already, and besides, I need to get back on track with my "buy your soul" shtick. Any ideas for some openers next time I see him?

Tony: Well, why should I help? I mean, before you came along, I was Tom's go-to guy for lifes little problems. What's in it for me?

Satan: Hows about this huge bag of weed?

Tony: Awesome! I say offer him infinite volume. That'll get him interested. If not, try the weed.

Satan: HahahahahahHahahaha! Jokes on you! That weed is cursed!

Tony: Weed's weed. Fuck you.

Satan: Awwwww......

Tune in next time for a careful analysis of my motivations in "Am I Lazy"!

Homeless, but not pornless.

I'm riding the trolley this morning, and as we pull away from the civic center, I see a man walking down the sidewalk, with an optimistic rythym to his walk. Obviously homeless, he wore a slightly dirty beanie, topped with a fitted baseball cap stylistically cocked to the side, all the while precariously hanging on his head. His mouth was a jokers smile, held in company with a cigarette that wasn't daring to become any shorter. he looked relatively healthy for his economic state. A few sweatshirts found their way under a few more coats, and I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of how warm he must be under all that. Numerous pairs of pants didn't keep him from displaying white underwear, and only about half of the pants were anywhere near the waist. The most stunning detail, however, was his reading material. he had what, at a moments notice I could only deduce as a "cheri"(a particularly middle of the road porno mag, nowhere as good as "score") folded cover in, so that anyone seeing either side was gifted to a viewing of semen covered pussy, or face. He also had a cd player in the same hand, but that seemed to pale in comparison. He kinda looked like flava flav. Public enemy is coming to the house of blues. I kinda wanna go, but I also know I'll wanna leave right after I get there, cause I feel anxious in public places where I know few people.